Catch them being good
Here's some ideas of what you can look out for when practicing catching them
Make sure that you are genuine. Children can see through false compliments, exaggerations, and flattery. On the other hand, earning genuine praise makes children feel good.
After giving praise, make sure your children know exactly what they did that pleased you, so they can repeat the behaviour.
Be sure to tell them why you think what they did was good, and how it will benefit them and others.
Finally, get your child to respond to your praise so you know he or she understands why you are pleased with a particular action or behaviour.
Behaviours to look for
coming into the classroom quickly and quietly
looking at the teacher quickly and quietly when asked to listen
following an instruction the first time they are asked
helping a classmate
being polite
tidying and cleaning up
working hard on a piece of work
putting their hand up and waiting to be asked to speak
holding the door open for someone
handing homework in on time
catching up with unfinished work or work missed due to absence
saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’
asking for help when they need it
walking quietly around the school
listening well in assembly
providing a good idea or suggestion in a discussion
working well with a group of classmates
listening to another's point of view
telling the teacher of a problem in the playground rather than trying to sort it out by fighting
letting a teacher know if someone is bullying another pupil
carrying out a classroom job willingly and doing it well
looking after a younger pupil or a new pupil
offering help without being asked
taking turns; waiting for their turn
treating school books and equipment carefully
starting work quickly
keeping own books and possessions tidy
keeping own physical appearance tidy
moving from one task to another without teacher reminders
getting all equipment needed for a task without being told
telling the truth
listening quietly, looking at the speaker (‘paying attention’)
lining up quickly and quietly
being a good friend
willing to answer questions and make contributions to group discussions
remaining calm during a difficult situation
sharing equipment or activity with a classmate
taking a lot of care with . . . / putting a lot of thought into . . . a piece of work
finding something appropriate to do when they have finished their work early
speaking well in the school play or assembly
being willing to try something new or difficult
asking before they ‘borrow’ something
remembering to do something (eg taking a message home)
taking a visitor to their destination rather than just directing them
bringing appropriate books and equipment to the lesson
What to say
All these are an introduction to your specific comment about the think they have done
Thanks to Surrey CC for the ideas
Behaviours to repeat
Keep calm
Focus on what is important – continuing the lesson
Ignore what is not vital – tactically ignore some behaviours (TIB-ing)
Speak what you want and say “Thank you” as if to anticipate compliance, then look away
Give the student time and space to make their choice
Don’t be led off into secondary behaviours – smokescreens
Focus on the primary behaviour – don’t get sidetracked
Quietly comment to the student on their good choice 1:1
Ensure you notice them making an effort
Keeping things in perspective
Behaviours to avoid
Shouting
Arguing
Blaming
Pointing in close proximity
Getting too close when talking to student
Towering over when they are seated
Using wide arm gestures
Staring
Defacing their work
Suggesting they have to do the work again
Rubbing out their work
Taking their behaviour as a personal affront
Moving sanctions to the ultimate too quickly
Adding up misbehaviours – cumulative “damage”
Things to remember
Praise the action or decision, not the child
Provide positive recognition when good choices are made
If what you are doing is not working, change what you are doing
Never give sanctions in anger
Don't ignore inappropriate behaviour
Only give consequences when you are sure of what happened
You can accept a child while not accepting inappropriate behaviour
Never threaten what you are not prepared to carry out
We never learn resilience without facing frustrations
Our expectations will often determine a child's behaviour
Be patient with childish irresponsibilities but never with defiance and rebellion
What children say about how they feel is not necessarily so
After consequences are given out treat the child as if nothing has happened
Don't play favourites with your children
Each person is unique and special ... don't make comparisons
Be authoritative not authoritarian
Watch your emotions, children are good and reading body language
And for parents
Parents should never argue about managing behaviour in front of the children
Parents should provide a united front in managing behaviour
Don't believe everything your children tell you ... they are seeing things through many filters
Never listen to anyone talking about behaviour management unless you know their children are well adjusted and well behaved
How do you know when your child has enough self-esteem? ... you don't and your never will
Thanks to InfoSalad